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Phylogeny and Hygiene

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Nenicirene's picture

Recently, I answered the following call:

Greetings, I am Agent Teehee and I am looking for survivors from the "Gnomeregan Incident", their stories and how they escaped the city. This information can be vital to the rescue of others missing gnomes on our beloved city.

Your contribution is vital for the well being of all gnomehood.

You're in luck, or as much luck as can be found when 90% of your species died recently. I happen to be one of the foremost chroniclers of that dark event (as well as a master sorceror, summoner, tinkerer, chef, comedian, philosopher, and award-winning dancer, though perhaps a bit lacking in humility).

But then Rokay had to come along and show her true nature as a troll:

So close to the perfect number... damn you 10% that survived. Filthy little rodents, the whole lot of you.

Gnomes aren't rodents. We're primates. If you'd spend less time stabbing things and more time paying attention to the world around you, you'd know this sort of thing. Really, here I thought there was so much hope for gnome-troll cooperation. I even hired a troll correspondent for my site, and she was so excited when you signed her pants…some idol you turn out to be…

Also, gnomes aren't filthy. We invented bathing, along with many other great things that improve life for all people. (Granted, the night elves invented nude hot-tubbing, but what do you expect?) That's why so many of us wear goggles. What with your average human bathing once a month, the fumes get to us, especially given the heights of our eyes relative to human anatomy. (Dwarves don't actually smell that bad, being made mostly of stone. They smell primarily of old beer and forge-soot, though the colonies of things that take up residence in their beards can occasionally be troublesome.)