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What's it like being a troll?

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Zulneni's picture

We trolls is a proud people. Once, we had a worl'-spannin' empire. We was the highest of da races. Den, we fell to wretched infightin' (though much deserved, cause dem Witherbarks, Splitfangs, Bloodscalps, Sandfuries, and Vilebranches is all a bunch o' bastards I'd rightly skin and make into t'row-rugs (an' I have, too), but dem Revantusks is alright, though not as awesome as us Darkspears).

In any case, i's a sad fact o' reality dat we be relegated to livin' in a stinkin' little mud village, forced to fight with muck-mucks for scraps o' moldy crab meat. But we be breedin' a new generation o' heroes. We gonna go out in'o da world and reconquer it in da name o da Darkspear. Da orcs and da tauren be our allies, for though dey be unlucky enough to not be born trolls, dey still think rightly an' honorably. Ya brotha's ya brotha, but ya friends are more importan' dan ya cousins, specially if ya hates ya cousins so much ya tries to gouge each other's eyes out to make Winterfair ornaments.

Oh, yah, da Forsaken. Dey too is our "allies". An' if you believe dat, I got dis Binds-On-Pickup bridge I wanna sell ya. Dey find it convenient to be wi' us, cause no one else be willin' to be wi' 'em. It ain' deir fault dey's dead, and many o' 'em be right fine folk, but deir leadas, dey be crazy. Dem Royal Apothecary society is da worse. Dey be wantin' to poison everythin'!

As to dem Alliance, dey not be so bad as everyone be makin' 'em out to be all de time. Gnomes, dey lost deir home, so I got some sympathy for da little buggas. Plus dey's cute. Dwarves? Dey can have all da caves dey want. I like da open sky, da crashin' sea, and the light o' da sun. Humans, now I almost respect deir crazy genocidal ways. Dey's almost as good at it as us trolls, but dey's so damn ugly. Too big to be cute, to small to be anythin' but pathetic, and no tusks. Very sad. Can't see how dey even manage to make babies. Both must have to close deir eyes and fantasize about trolls.

And den dere's da elves. Dey be da worst sort o' traitors. Trolls dat are no longa trolls. Betrayers of all dat is good and wholesome for some cheap magical rush. Well hah! We got da last laugh! Bet ya feel stupid now dat ya got no tusks!

Well, anyway, dis be gettin' rambly. I bes' be concludin', so remember dat to a troll, dere be no fina thing in life dan a day o' hard work followed by a good tuskin' while da flayed skulls o' ya enemies have to watch on. Nobody does juju like we do!

(To sum, I see trolls as a fairly racist/supremacist culture that relishes violence and seeks to reclaim its past glory through conquest. Simultaneously, they are a very closely knit society with strong family and social ties, and which values enjoying life to the fullest while being in tune with the spirit world. They also seem fairly sexual, emotional, and otherwise not ones to mask their instincts. In other words, they're sort of like humans taken to certain extremes, unencumbered by the (often false) civility of complex society while combining certain aspects of the Noble Savage stereotype with that of the Warlike Savage while being couched in terms of the Fallen People.)